Thank you The Sun, for making me want to write about something.
Once again we join our dashing and fearless lead Fox in the midst of a tirading debacle. Some of you may remember our last episode when Mr. Fox got his head stuck in a tire.
In order for this post to work I need to take some creative liberties so for all intents and purposes, Mr. Fox speaks English.
Before we interview Mr. Fox again, it’s important to notice that he dangled from a fence for FOUR hours before being freed. So a couple things. Did someone see Mr. Fox get himself in this jam?
“Martha, come quickly you gotta see this. There’s a fox that has got himself stuck by the tail to the fence, no bullshit.”
“But it’s a fox, aren’t they supposed to be clever?”
“Yep, he must be inbred”
“Well I’ll go call and have him freed, don’t want him hanging around here too long”
Ring ring ring “Animal Control, how may I help you?”
“Yes, we have a fox stuck to the fence in our backyard by it’s tail”
“Bollocks, ma’am. Everyone knows foxes are too smart for that”
“Not this one, we think it’s inbred”
“Hmm an inbred fox? Could be… that is the only thing that makes sense. We’ll be over as soon as possible.”
Now four hours must have passed during which time we can only assume that the town folk took the opportunity to pose with Mr. Fox and feed him obnoxiously spicy foods with only vodka as a beverage.
Assuming sucks, so let’s just interview the poor guy shall we?
(David, the superstar reporter)
Mr. Fox, what have you done? Why are you stuck to this fence by your tail?
I’d rather not talk about it, can I have a little help getting down?
People are coming to free you, Mr. Fox… I am just here to ask you some questions and gain a little clarity.
Clarity? I can’t feel my tail.
It looks pretty torn up, its probably best you can’t feel it. Mr. Fox, how did you get yourself into this situation?
I wanted to hunt the next property over so I jumped up and on the way down my tail got wedged.
You wanted to jump the fence? Do you think you are a gazelle?
There’s a hole in the fence about 10 yards east of here, why didn’t you just go through there?
Well I didn’t see it did I?
The word going around is that you may be inbred. Any truth to that Mr. Fox?
Inbred? What? No, of course not. I am allowed to have accidents aren’t I?
Yes, but do you recall having your head stuck in a tire a few months back?
That wasn’t me.
Yes it was.
Well…that was an accident too.
You have a lot of accidents don’t you.
What are you getting at?
That you are inbred.
I’m not inbred, stop saying it!
Animal Control arrives
Is this the inbred fox?
I’m not inbred.
Yes, this is him. Let’s get him down.
I’m not inbred!
The tail looks pretty beat up, we may have to remove it.
Remove it? It’s not removable.
It is now.
I’m a fox, I can’t be tailless… what will the other foxes think?
That you won’t get stuck in fences any more?
Take it easy fox, you’ll be down in no time.
2 hours later
That was harder than I thought.
You ungrateful feline.
I’m not a feline I’m a damn fox!
Hard to tell.
I hate you all.
Ok – that was insane. Good news is that after the four hour ordeal, Mr. Fox is recovering and there is a slight chance that he will keep his tail.