Dealing With It. A Stream-Of-Consciousness Nothingness

Merry Christmas

On December 19th of 1999 my dad passed away, or my pop as I would call him. What can you do? It sends shivers down every holiday’s barrel. It can ruin you… but it can also make you persevere. What would you do? I avoided it for a decade. Thanksgiving is the event that sets my heart racing, it sends me panting, grasping for air. Christmas isn’t Christmas without you? That is not the case. It still exists. The spirit is still here and it is still kicking. Thank goodness. The holidays are tough aren’t they? They make you wax and wane. What if it’s marred with death? Almost unforgiving in nature and certainly relentless with reminders of a past that haunts you with lingering doubt. Will they ever be that good again? Will the Holidays ever make me smile again?  Will I ever wonder and wish and hope and dream… will I ever think that a miracle is around the corner? Yes. Help is right round the corner.  No one’s Christmas is perfect. Is this a sad thing? I seem to lose track of that notion. It can’t be perfect, can it? Of course not. That is what makes it so special. The imperfection, the flickering light. The new faces and new borns… they don’t know that this Christmas isn’t absolutely splendid. Well their naivety must make it so. The glimmer in their eyes, the sparkle in their smile… we can see that it is just the most wonderful time of the year and that it’s the most celebrating we can get in, in a two month span. There will always be a memory to smile about. Some things will never change. There is no reward in shying away from the jubilation at the end of the trepid season, we only torture ourselves. I am resigned to that fact. Each years adversity is overshadowed by a years worth of gained wisdom and peacefulness. It is getting easier. And all this time I thought it was getting harder. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. 2014 shall be one for the books, there is not one person that can deny it.

 

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