Chocolate Death

Of all the ways to die, Svetlana Roslina found the sweetest. The Russian chocolate factory worker fell into a vat of chocolate earlier this week and she did not live to tell the sweet tale. There are conflicting stories circulating surrounding the circumstances of this horrible tragedy. Some say she fell in while adding ingredients to the mix, others say she dropped her mobile phone in the vat and unsuccessfully tried to retrieve it. No one has claimed that she actually wanted to die in a vat of chocolate, though many have admitted to wanting to bathe themselves in chocolate on a daily basis. This is her:

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Svetlana Roslina, a sweetheart

A local source said “She was minced. Only her legs were left.” Minced. This is what minced pork looks like:

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When you hear about someone falling into a vat of chocolate you really want them to come out looking something like this:

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Not this:

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Or this:

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Very sad, she had a husband and two young children. That being said, if you had to die… would a vat of chocolate be that bad? Yes?

Here is the original article: Mother dies after falling into huge vat of melted chocolate

Dealing With It. A Stream-Of-Consciousness Nothingness

Merry Christmas

On December 19th of 1999 my dad passed away, or my pop as I would call him. What can you do? It sends shivers down every holiday’s barrel. It can ruin you… but it can also make you persevere. What would you do? I avoided it for a decade. Thanksgiving is the event that sets my heart racing, it sends me panting, grasping for air. Christmas isn’t Christmas without you? That is not the case. It still exists. The spirit is still here and it is still kicking. Thank goodness. The holidays are tough aren’t they? They make you wax and wane. What if it’s marred with death? Almost unforgiving in nature and certainly relentless with reminders of a past that haunts you with lingering doubt. Will they ever be that good again? Will the Holidays ever make me smile again?  Will I ever wonder and wish and hope and dream… will I ever think that a miracle is around the corner? Yes. Help is right round the corner.  No one’s Christmas is perfect. Is this a sad thing? I seem to lose track of that notion. It can’t be perfect, can it? Of course not. That is what makes it so special. The imperfection, the flickering light. The new faces and new borns… they don’t know that this Christmas isn’t absolutely splendid. Well their naivety must make it so. The glimmer in their eyes, the sparkle in their smile… we can see that it is just the most wonderful time of the year and that it’s the most celebrating we can get in, in a two month span. There will always be a memory to smile about. Some things will never change. There is no reward in shying away from the jubilation at the end of the trepid season, we only torture ourselves. I am resigned to that fact. Each years adversity is overshadowed by a years worth of gained wisdom and peacefulness. It is getting easier. And all this time I thought it was getting harder. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. 2014 shall be one for the books, there is not one person that can deny it.

 

Goodbye, Bradley. Hello Chelsea Manning.

Bradley Manning

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Just got sentenced to 35 years for his part in leaking classified information to Wikileaks.

He will likely do a third of his sentence, so 12 years. He gets credited for the time he has already served, which is some 3 years.  So that is 9. There is an automatic appeal that he can waive, but an appeal can only help not harm. So maybe it gets knocked down to 25 years.  A third of would be about 9 years… 3 of which he has already served. So he does 6 years.

Oh, and he has come out saying that he wants to live as a woman. His new name shall be Chelsea Manning.

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He plans to begin hormone treatment immediately. This man is a genius. 5 years of prison while undergoing hormone treatment to become a woman is like sending a plump, gluttonous child to the Chocolate Factory. All on our dime. Brilliant.

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How Do You Piss Off A Dude With One Leg?

Tell him to kick you.

I could be wrong, I actually don’t know if they prefer to stand.

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Naked man collapses, dies in neighborhood rampage | wtsp.com.

That being said, a one Norbert A. Chabannes from Perdido Key, Florida went on a rampage on Monday and then… he died. On his own. Unassisted. He was naked and had one leg. The article was brazen enough to say that he was disabled. But at the same time they say he tried to break into a neighbours house unsuccessfully, then crawled across the street to another house and tried to throw a cinder block through a window. All of these things are symptoms of abled people. The cops showed up and apparently tried to reason with the poor boy to no avail. I wonder how they put it?

“Sir, you have one leg. Cut it out, on your feet… or foot… um, have a seat.”

Norbit, Norbert, same thing.

To back up my declaration of Norbert’s not being disabled (with a name like Norbert, is anyone really surprised that this happened), we have the article state that “Chabannes had earlier arrived at his home Monday and became confrontational with Rochelle Duke – his housekeeper – gouging her eyes and banging her head repeatedly against a wall before she was able to flee.”

This naked one-legged dude had a housekeeper. I’m already jealous. He gouged her eyes and banged her head repeatedly against the wall. I have to call bullshit on this one, they must have been playing some kinky sex game cause a pre-teen could have gotten away from a raging one-legged dude by moonwalking slowly. She made the choice to stay within his strike zone, which by my calculation has to be about an arm’s length in any direction.

They say he probably  had a cocaine problem, considering his documented cocaine addiction. I want to say that coke has nothing to do with a naked one-legged dude going on a rampage and trying to break into houses, then dying. Musta been those damn bath salts that are indigenous to Florida.