Don’t Be Stingy With Your Grief

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It’s taken me years to be able to grieve. No, I should say it has taken me years to be able to grieve in a manner that is not debilitating. It only takes one, you lose one person close to you and it sets in motion a lifetime of grieving that will only be compounded by the addition of more loss. We add loss, it happens to everyone. Once you have loss, you can’t get rid of it. Lose a parent, gain a child… you are still down one life. So we learn to manage it. We learn to manage our grief so that our grief does not manage us. I know all about being riddled with grief having lost both of my parents. A physical, mental, and spiritual breakdown of all things YOU. A crippling of your will, a weakening of your drive, a proverbial dampening of your powder… you can never be quite ready.

Three years after the passing of my mother, I am finally showing signs of life. A new man? Not quite, but a better man than the one I once was. Loss has a way of proving to you what is important, and it surprises you with revelations of what is now extraneous. I could write about the process for the next two years, but I’ve only come here to share a program that I owe my sanity and resilience to. It’s called GriefShare and it is very likely being held in a neighborhood near you.

So my description of it would be a group facilitated by people who have experienced a significant loss, that is geared towards people struggling to get on with life after losing a loved one. It is very much (Christian) faith based, but all are welcome. You start with a 20 minute video, then a discussion about the days topic (presented by the video), followed by some personal sharing if anyone is interested.  It’s typically a weekly meet-up that will run about 14 weeks, the frequency and duration being very important in building relationships and camaraderie within the group. Answering “how was your week?” is much easier than answering “how was your month?”, a monthly group would have never sufficed for me. I can’t stress enough how important it is to set time aside to grieve and work through your emotions. If you are anything like me you will push it deep down inside and let your feelings see as little daylight as possible. This often results in sporadic grief sneak attacks. I’ve found that setting aside a time to focus on my grief makes those surprise attacks few and far between. GriefShare is that time for me, it’s my weekly time of reflection and purposeful focus.

Click here to find a GriefShare near you

I’ve just started my 3rd round of GriefShare, there is absolutely no maximum number of times you should go through this process. Every moment of it helps. When you’ve gone through the GriefShare process you won’t simply know how to help yourself, but you will find that you are also able to help others that are struggling to cope with grief. If you do find a group and it has already started, go anyway. You can jump in at any week and it will still be very beneficial.

Now I often say this last part, but I never get a response. I am always available to anyone that has lost someone and am open to discussing what I’ve gone through as well as helping you find what may work in assisting your grief journey. I am also willing to just listen. You can be a stranger, you can be a friend, it does not matter to me. I am here to help. If you have my number, use it. If we are friends on Facebook, message me.

For everyone else: defnoyd@hotmail.com

 

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Terrorismists

ISIS has a problem and it’s not what you think. They aren’t being sought out and destroyed with extreme prejudice. They aren’t being adulated by the world as some almighty threat that needs intense scrutiny and attention. They’ve been marginalized and given dirty looks. Ladies and Gentlemen, they have an inferiority complex and we gave it to them. They want to be treated like a dangerous world power. They want the respect a recognized state would receive when pulling such villainous shenanigans.  They want war, but they just get a talking to and lots of inaction. I think we should give them the satisfaction of getting what they want. Face it, they’re not going to stop. You know how they are. And all these stern denouncements on TV are just firing them up. I can hear them now. For all intents and purposes, Pinky and the Brain are ISIS:

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“How many did we kill, Pinky?”

“reports say about 45 right now, Brain”

“What have the Americans said?”

“Stop doing that”

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WWPATBD? An acronym for what would Pinky and the Brain do. The same thing they always do, try again tomorrow. The motivation doesn’t go away and is hardly weakened by world efforts to quash the persistent acts of war waged on the universe. I’m not mistaken, give them space ships and they will attack aliens. They are the frustrated bunch and you’d think we (USA) would be. But there is seemingly nothing they can do that will make us spring into action like the super power we are… or at least used to be. Perhaps one day soon we won’t take their shit anymore. We don’t even hurt them in any way. In fact, we help them by meddling with the power structure of other nations that have in the past helped to check these militant groups and prevented them from spreading like wildfire. They fight on, we move our military further away from them. It’s actual insanity. We have a few choices and the sooner the US figures it out, the better. We either fight them here or we fight them there. We either bounce around the world cleaning up after they inflict mass casualties or we wipe them out, immediately. I’d pick the proactive route.  Currently, we do nothing. You can impose sanctions on an unrecognized state, but they won’t recognize them. They are not a conventional organization so why do we consider conventional methods of dealing with them? It’s wobbly moral ground we stand on, not wanting to attack them for fear of the innocents. What are the people they attack? Guilty of living?  I could go on and on about how we’ve perpetuated their existence and extended their longevity but that would take ages. The problem right now is that we are not giving them the attention they crave and deserve. They need our military’s attention in a bad way and I say we give it to them.

 

Magnitude Of The Fortiude

Ingrid Loyau-Kennett Confronts Michael Adebowale

You can’t see them in this picture, but Ingrid Loyau-Kennett has brass balls the size of ripe cantaloupes.

That’s it. That’s all I have to say about it. This woman is bad ass. I am about to tattoo her name on my tongue.

Taken Out Of Context

Marriage Equality! A happy lesbian couple bask in their magic pink powder puff stuff outside the U.S. Supreme Court in Washington, D.C.

ImageJust Kidding! Indian revellers play with coloured powder during Holi celebrations in Hyderabad! Rock on, Hindus!