Chocolate Death

Of all the ways to die, Svetlana Roslina found the sweetest. The Russian chocolate factory worker fell into a vat of chocolate earlier this week and she did not live to tell the sweet tale. There are conflicting stories circulating surrounding the circumstances of this horrible tragedy. Some say she fell in while adding ingredients to the mix, others say she dropped her mobile phone in the vat and unsuccessfully tried to retrieve it. No one has claimed that she actually wanted to die in a vat of chocolate, though many have admitted to wanting to bathe themselves in chocolate on a daily basis. This is her:

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Svetlana Roslina, a sweetheart

A local source said “She was minced. Only her legs were left.” Minced. This is what minced pork looks like:

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When you hear about someone falling into a vat of chocolate you really want them to come out looking something like this:

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Not this:

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Or this:

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Very sad, she had a husband and two young children. That being said, if you had to die… would a vat of chocolate be that bad? Yes?

Here is the original article: Mother dies after falling into huge vat of melted chocolate

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Goodbye, Bradley. Hello Chelsea Manning.

Bradley Manning

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Just got sentenced to 35 years for his part in leaking classified information to Wikileaks.

He will likely do a third of his sentence, so 12 years. He gets credited for the time he has already served, which is some 3 years.  So that is 9. There is an automatic appeal that he can waive, but an appeal can only help not harm. So maybe it gets knocked down to 25 years.  A third of would be about 9 years… 3 of which he has already served. So he does 6 years.

Oh, and he has come out saying that he wants to live as a woman. His new name shall be Chelsea Manning.

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He plans to begin hormone treatment immediately. This man is a genius. 5 years of prison while undergoing hormone treatment to become a woman is like sending a plump, gluttonous child to the Chocolate Factory. All on our dime. Brilliant.

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