Still Smokin’ : Bikini Military

Apparently there are loads of beautiful women in the many militaries of the world. I am here to prove it, but first I must put it out there that I have a predisposition to love these Israeli soldiers:

Israel

Israel

Because of this:

Israel1 Israel2 Israel3

Girls will be girls. (Thank Goodness)

A while back, I wrote about the Bikini Military and discovered that in Israel, once you hit 18 years of age you have to serve a mandatory 2 years in the military:

Bikini Military

OK. Now here is the best of the rest. In no specific order by hotness:

Bikini Military

Israel

UK

UK

Romania

Romania

Russia

Russia

USA

USA

Australia

Australia

Greece

Greece

Serbia

Serbia

Mexico

Mexico

Poland

Poland

St. Lucia

Saint Lucia

Finland

Finland

Colombia

Colombia

Sweden

Sweden

Pakistan

Pakistan

Palestinian Territories

Palestinian Territories

Indonesia

Indonesia

Compiling these pictures was tough. It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it.

 

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What the Fox gone on?

fox

Not so cunning now… fox dangles from fence by tail for four hours | The Sun |News.

Thank you The Sun, for making me want to write about something.

Once again we join our dashing and fearless lead Fox in the midst of a tirading debacle. Some of you may remember our last episode when Mr. Fox got his head stuck in a tire.

https://coldtones.wordpress.com/2012/12/18/another-reason-why-animals-should-be-able-to-speak/

In order for this post to work I need to take some creative liberties so for all intents and purposes, Mr. Fox speaks English.

Before we interview Mr. Fox again, it’s important to notice that he dangled from a fence for FOUR hours before being freed. So a couple things. Did someone see Mr. Fox get himself in this jam?

“Martha, come quickly you gotta see this. There’s a fox that has got himself stuck by the tail to the fence, no bullshit.”

“But it’s a fox, aren’t they supposed to be clever?”

“Yep, he must be inbred”

“Well I’ll go call and have him freed, don’t want him hanging around here too long”

Ring ring ring   “Animal Control, how may I help you?”

“Yes, we have a fox stuck to the fence in our backyard by it’s tail”

“Bollocks, ma’am. Everyone knows foxes are too smart for that”

“Not this one, we think it’s inbred”

“Hmm an inbred fox? Could be… that is the only thing that makes sense. We’ll be over as soon as possible.”

Now four hours must have passed during which time we can only assume that the town folk took the opportunity to pose with Mr. Fox and feed him obnoxiously spicy foods with only vodka as a beverage.

Assuming sucks, so let’s just interview the poor guy shall we?

(Fox)

(David, the superstar reporter)

Mr. Fox, what have you done? Why are you stuck to this fence by your tail?

I’d rather not talk about it, can I have a little help getting down?

People are coming to free you, Mr. Fox… I am just here to ask you some questions and gain a little clarity.

Clarity? I can’t feel my tail.

It looks pretty torn up, its probably best you can’t feel it. Mr. Fox, how did you get yourself into this situation?

I wanted to hunt the next property over so I jumped up and on the way down my tail got wedged.

You wanted to jump the fence? Do you think you are a gazelle?

Funny

There’s a hole in the fence about 10 yards east of here, why didn’t you just go through there?

Well I didn’t see it did I?

The word going around is that you may be inbred. Any truth to that Mr. Fox?

Inbred? What? No, of course not. I am allowed to have accidents aren’t I?

Yes, but do you recall having your head stuck in a tire a few months back?

That wasn’t me.

Yes it was.

Well…that was an accident too.

You have a lot of accidents don’t you.

What are you getting at?

That you are inbred.

I’m not inbred, stop saying it!

Animal Control arrives

Is this the inbred fox?

I’m not inbred.

Yes, this is him. Let’s get him down.

I’m not inbred!

The tail looks pretty beat up, we may have to remove it.

Remove it? It’s not removable.

It is now.

I’m a fox, I can’t be tailless… what will the other foxes think?

That you won’t get stuck in fences any more?

Good one.

Take it easy fox, you’ll be down in no time.

2 hours later

That was harder than I thought.

Piss off

You ungrateful feline.

I’m not a feline I’m a damn fox!

Hard to tell.

I hate you all. 

Ok – that was insane. Good news is that after the four hour ordeal, Mr. Fox is recovering and there is a slight chance that he will keep his tail.

fox__1712253a

I’m not inbred.

Pub serves super-sized 150oz steak

Pub serves supersized 150oz steak which costs £110 and is 4″ thick

Everyone direct your attention to his pinky finger which is being held up and out of the way as if he is garnishing a cheese and caviar plate.

12 inches wide, 12 inches long, and 4 inches thick. That is nearly 10 pounds of meat for anyone that needs the ounces translated.

This article is from The Sun so you know they said something appalling. For example: “They tip the scales at 9lb and more than half a stone – about the same weight as a newborn baby.” 

Don’t shake your head at me in disgust, it was The Sun I tell you! I personally would have compared it to a large tumor or an adult human head. Spare the children, please.

(Pub Owner) Ashley said: “The 150 oz steak is huge, people think it’s easy to complete but when faced with it, it’s a lot tougher than you think.”

I, like you, want to meet the people that think this is an easy task so I can say:

At about 110 British Pounds or 175 US Dollars, it hardly seems worth the effort. Do I want one? Absolutely, if not simply for the photo opportunity.  Here is the place: The Duck Inn at Oakenshaw

 

Britain’s oldest man has died at 110 years and 63 days

Britain’s oldest man has died aged 110 years and 63 days | The Sun |News.

The Coroner has confirmed the cause of death as Catastrophic Lung Collapse Syndrome (CLCS). This is most common in folks a hundred years of age and older that are ordered to blow out candles 2 or more feet away from their face for photographic opportunities.

Another reason why animals should be able to speak

Foxy

Vixen the car | The Sun |News.

Please also see my prior posting:  Drained squirrel becomes stuck in man-hole cover 

If I ever come up with the power to communicate with animals, I will travel the world and interview little fellas that have gotten themselves into situations like this.  If they want out, they’ll be forced to endure my questioning.

(Fox)

(David, the superstar reporter)

“Mr. Fox, peach of a situation isn’t it?”

“Yeah well a little bit, I guess. Perhaps some help? I don’t have opposable thumbs you know.”

“In due time. Mr. Fox, how long have you had your head stuck in this wheel?”

“Can’t be too sure, what day is it?”

“It’s Tuesday the 18th”

“About 3 days then, haven’t slept a wink either as you might imagine”

“I thought they call you Fantastic Mr. Fox?”

“No relation”

“Obviously. So right, what were you up to then? Why are you stuck, did you get into the sour grapes again?”

“Don’t want to talk about it”

“What was under there? Did you see something brilliant?”

“Nah, just curious was all.”

“Curious about what? Brake wear?”

“Good one”

“Seriously, did you follow a mouse in there or something? A small rabbit? Maybe a mole?”

“It was a grasshopper.”

“A grasshopper? Foxes don’t even eat grasshoppers”

“I’m on a diet”

“A diet? Hard to tell. You are stuck in a wheel”

“Funny, how about getting me out of here?”

“Sure, let me just grab a picture first”

Really, with the pictures?

“You look awful funny”

“Couldn’t be more embarrassed, thank you. Now get me out before more folks come by”

“Just wanted to capture the moment”

“Get me out of here!”

“Absolutely, Mr Fox. I’d like to thank you for sticking around for the interview”

“You’re terrible”

“Don’t want to tire you any more than you already are”

“You vile human”

“Perhaps I’ll catch you around”

“Not if I die here”

“Help has just arrived, be well Mr. Fox”

 

 

 

“How the hell did that fox get himself wedged in there?”